Thank Goodness!!

I woke up this morning, not only motivated (thanks again), but HAPPY to be on the program!! You know that content, positive feeling you get just from following and loving the program, that's what I got back!! Yay!! I honestly was starting to wonder if I would.. Sheesh.. Anyway, I feel like I'm 100% commited and that feels great!

No word yet about the appartment.. I work until 9pm tonight, and I bet I'll be nervous about it all afternoon and evening.. I wish he'd just call!! But I kinda have the feeling that I won't get it, mainly because I don't know why the other person wouldn't want to grab it right up!! Thanks for all the finger and toe crossing!! I'll let you know when I hear something!! :-)

A Quick Thanks..

I've been having one of those days where I'm not frustrated or anything, but maybe feeling a lil blah on the weightloss front.. Not that I'm quiting or anything, FAR from it, I just kind of feel like, damn am I ever going to get there?? So I read back through comments that all of you have left, especially over the last little bit with me not being around much.. You're supportive all the time, amazingly so, and I'm so thankful for all of you.. My motivation went from a 7 to a 10, just from reading words that you wrote, that's how much you guys rock!! THANK YOU! :-)

I made a few difficult decisions today regarding school and the move back to Kingston.. I'm still really unsure about what to do.. I'm really happy here too, and the other day at work I actually got a cash bonus for the good job that I'm doing.. Funny how hearing that made my job so much more enjoyable.. I don't think you can actually have fun doing anything that you think you might be doing badly, or at least that other people think you might be doing badly.. So that, combined with my uneasiness over my previous decision has made me decide to stay put, at least until next September.. I came to the conclusion that Kingston will still be there, the program is doing awesome, and isn't going anywhere and spending about $10 000 should involve a little more thought considering that could also be a down payment on a nice little house.. I just feel like I need more time..

The apartment that I've been wanting here in Renfrew just came available (which has nothing to do with my Kingston decision!), and I called the landlord tonight.. He had JUST shown it to some lady!! He said that he was sure she was going to take it, and that I should've called him yesterday.. How annoying is that?? He told me he'd keep me posted, and I'm pretty sure if she decided not to take it that he'd give it to me.. It's just so perfect and the gardens are awesome, big back yard and deck... I WANT IT!! lol!! So keep your fingers crossed for me, k? ~ xo

TaDaaaa!!!!

Can you believe it?? Two days in a row!! Darn I'm good.. hehe.. I've had a loooonng day and I'm sleepy, so I'm feeling crazy silly right now.. I'm also feeling silly because of the scale experience I just had.. So yesterday I weighed myself, it was my 1st whole day back OP and the scale said 246.. Even typing that number makes me puke in my mouth a lil bit (sorry, that's a little crass but that's really how bad it made me feel seeing that number!).. Anyway, today I weighed myself and I was at 237!! Weird, eh?? Now, I posted yesterday that I thought most of that number was water retention and other stuff, but it seems like quite a jump to me.. I was just happy, and breathing a huge sigh of relief to see a somewhat normal number again.. It also made me realize how much I NEVER want to be there again!

That's it for today!!!!!!!

Oh, one more thing;


hehehe..

Ohhhhh, My Gawd!

Okay, so I'm back at it again.. It's cool because it wasn't a decision I made, it was something I felt I had to do.. My eating has just been way out of control and I totally feel 'puffy'.. Not to mention the 16 pounds I've somehow managed to pile back on *groan*.. I'm sure most of it is water retention and BM issues, but still, I NEVER wanted to see *that* number on the scale again!! Grrrr..

Why can't this be easier? I'm seriously not mad at myself.. I mean, I'm a little disappointed, but shit happens and I'm over it.. What's important is that I've been back OP all day today and that hopefully it'll stay that way.. I just have to figure out how I can make more time for blogging and for keep up with you guys, because that is what truly makes the difference for me, all of you and being able to keep up with you and stuff..

Thanks for all your supportive posts about going back to school! It's hard, but it needs to be done, and I'm not 'that' old right?? hehe..

I'm sorry if my gaps in posting has made any of you think I was planning on pulling a Houdini, that WILL NOT happen again! Time just got away on me is all, but I've been getting more regular days off now that I don't have to cover shifts for others, and we have a new girl in at work..

I'm doing the Relay for Life this Friday!! I'm looking forward to it but I'm a bit nervous.. My leg is much better now, but that'll be pushing it.. Maybe that's a good thing though? Maybe I need to push it a little beyond what I have already to get that extra confidence in it.. Anyway, I'm looking forward to it, but the eating part will be REALLY hard! Not sure what I'll do yet as far as points.. Maybe just allow myself all the coffee I want, but everything else has to be on points.. But then I'm also walking around a track on and off for the entire night so that's gotta count for lots of AP's, right?? I'll figure something out I'm sure.. lol!

Frustrated

I cannot believe that it's been 12 days since I've blogged!!! That's almost 2 weeks!! Wtf?? lol! Seriously it feels like it's been a week or something.. I'm getting pretty frustrated with my job.. It's like I'm tired ALL the time! And it's messing with some of my relationships because after having people complain to you all day the very last thing you feel like doing is talking to more people! I know there's a difference, between bitchy customers and loving friends, but it's almost like my brain turns to mush the second I walk out of there! Which has brought me to my week of contemplation.. There's very little else for me to do where I'm living.. There isn't a college, there's factory work, but working on an assembly line isn't something that would make me happy.. And that's what I'm looking for in all this, happiness, and also the ability to support myself comfortably.. So yesterday, after realizing that I can't do this job forever, I applied to Esthetics at St. Lawrence college in Kingston.. I'd taken it before but was unable to finish my placement hours because of illness (long story).. So I know I'll enjoy it, it's a 10 month program and it's in a city that is home to me, where my bestfriend lives.. So keep your fingers crossed for me!! I haven't completely decided yet, I just kind of reached a breaking point and needed to make a move in a positive direction.. I feel badly for not including all of you in my thoughts over this, but I'm the type that closes up when faced with a difficult decision or situation..

On to the weight thing.. The frustration is here too!! There's something about the nice weather that sends my decipline flying out the window!! lol!! So that's definitly something I need to get back under control, especially if I'm going back to school, I'm gonna need me some confidence!!!

Oh, and the big thing that was going on the last time I posted was a baby shower!! One of my bestfriends is expecting in early July, so my other bf and I threw her a bigass baby shower!!! That's why I wasn't around much during that time, every day off was spent planning or shopping.. I'm SOO glad it's over, and also glad that it went so well!! :-) I'll see about posting some pics soon!!

Hope you're all doing well! I miss you all so much! :-(

Finally a Day Off!!!!

Hey, guys!!! It feels like forever since I've posted! I hate work.. It stinks.. I'm sorry I've been so busy! I haven't been to your blogs at all lately!! I can tell you tomorrow another reason why I've been so busy, but until then it's top secret!! You'll understand why when I tell you, which actually probably won't be until Sunday.. I was supposed to have it off too but now I have to work.. :-(

So WI was Thursday, and I was down 1 lb.. Not much but I'm happy with it because I haven't been eating the greatest.. I find that when I'm working this much and I'm just so tired all the time that it's hard to eat really well, anyway, I'm starting to get the hang of it! I swear though, that 1 lb is totally because of work and how busy I am while working.. That's reason enough to make me never wanna quit my job!! lol!! Or at least no time in the near future!!

So I have some silly pics for you guys!! They're of new accessories!! lol!! But yeah, I looked like hell at the time and I took the pics myself so beware!!!

This is a picture of my new, very yummy, sunglasses! They're made by Juicy Couture.. They were regularily $155.00 + tax, but because my Mom used to work there and my Aunt still does (Thank you Aunt Debbie!! xo) I got them for $115.00.. They're delicious, I'm madly in love with them!!

Another pic of my sunglasses.. Nice face, eh? I have NO idea what I'm trying to do with my mouth.. lol!

My new hat!! I normally look AWFUL in hats! Actually I've never worn one for that reason.. They always look big and clumsy on me, and with my tiny forehead they just never fit right..

Well I gots me a kids hat, and it works!! lol!! Yay!!! This one is army green and has the word Girl in grey with little rhinestones on the words.. hehehe..

Another hat pic.. Really dark though, sorry! :-(

Here's the last pic, one of my new tattoo, my Luna Moth.. I love it, SOOO much.. But after I took these pictures I noticed that he screwed it up!! I don't know if you can notice it. I'm trying to decide how to handle it, if I should phone them and tell them I want it fixed.. I've never been in this position before!!! :-( Oh, and it does look a little unbalanced right now because of the way I had to move my arm to take the picture, it's normally not that messed up! Just, one wing is a little closer to it's body thank the other.. But both wings are the same size (I know they don't look like it here though!) That's why I'm making the funny mouth again, cuz it's a weird position..

And I should have more pics after tomorrow!! I tried on some clothes today, shirts, that didn't fit before that were tight around the spare tire, and they fit!! I was shocked!! So tomorrow I'm wearing my new size 2o+ jean capri's (I started at a 24+), and a new pretty white shirt.. I'm psyched! I love when stuff is looser!! I hope everyone is having a great weekend!!!

Just a quick FYI

Hey, bloggers!! I'm sorry I've been kinda quiet the last couple of days.. I'm working LOTS, I barely have down time.. Grr.. Anyway, I should be free tomorrow afternoon so I'm hoping to catch up with all your blogs then!!!

Happy Saturday!!!

Well, it's 6:15am on Saturday morning.. I've been up since 5ish and am getting ready for a looong 9 hour shift at work.. Bleck.. There should be a law against having to get up this early on a Saturday! lol!!

But it's supposed to be bright and sunny and warm, so I'll deal.. :-)

I'm excited for tonight, there's a Saturday Night Live special on, the 90's it's called, or something like that.. I guess kinda like a 'best of'.. Well I loved the 90's at Saturday Night Live.. That's when they had all the greats!! Will Ferrel, Adam Sandler, Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, I could go on and on but I won't! lol!! So if you're an SnL fan you should check it out!!

Have a very happy, sunny Saturday blogland!! xo

Oh My Goodness!

I am SO tired.. What a long day.. I didn't sit once in the entire 8 hours I worked, and I know people do that everyday, but not many of them do it carrying this amount of weight around.. lol!! It's cool though cuz when I feel this tired I think, hmmm, but maybe the scale will be down a bit next week.. I think that's one of the biggest things I like about my job, and for so long I've been dealing with these short shifts, it'll be nice getting some long ones again!

Soooo, thanks for the skinny vibes!! :-) I'm down 4 lbs this week.. It's funny cuz within the first 4 days I jumped down, probably because it was mostly water retention, and then stayed the same the last few.. I find it hard when that happens.. 4lbs is an awesome loss, and I'm SO psyched about it, but when you weigh yourself that early in the week you almost try to loose more and then get disappointed when it doesn't happen! lol!! I know, easy answer, stay off the scale.. But heck, I'll take the disappointment, I love weighing myself often! Well, maybe 'love' was too strong of a word.. lol! Either way, I'll take it!!

A few things that I need to work on for this WI week: get my water intake wayyyy up and cut at least some of the snacking at night, even if it is within my points (I like to have some flex left at the end of the week, not all, but maybe 1/4 of them)..

Happy Thursday!!

Thanks everyone for all your great comments!! I feel so loved! You totally made my day! And I'll need that positivity.. I woke up this morning and found out that my boss had phoned and wants me to work until 9pm! Bleck!! I'm pretty annoyed, but what can you do?? Needless to say I was in a VERY grumpy mood until I read your comments, so THANK YOU!! The town of Renfrew will meet with a much nicer customer service person today thanks to you! lol!! (Nah, I'm always nice, but I'll enjoy my day more now that's for sure!)..

I think the thing that was annoying me the most was that I had plans for today! My shift was only a 4 hour one, which I love.. Today is my first WI back on track, but I don't WI until evening, well afternoon but now it'll be evening! And I was wanting to come home and spend some time blogging before Survivor and Greys and the gazillion other shows I watch on Thursday nights.. Ohh, well, that's why they call it work right?

So I won't have a WI update now until tonight, I'm pretty sure I know what it'll be so I'm not too nervous.. I hope everyone has a great, Sunny, Thursday!!! :-) And thanks again! I love you guys!! ~oxoxo

Just Cuz..

On my blog an excuse is NEVER needed for posting a picture of Jim Morrison..

Isn't he loverly?? ~sigh~

I'm Back..

For the life of me I couldn't think of a better title than that, but I guess "I'm Back" does sum it up.. For some of you this will be a repeat, and I'm sorry you have to hear it all again.. lol!! For those of you who haven't, this post is simply me apoligizing for being away for so long.. More importantly, for being away without taking the time to tell you what was going on.. If I worried any of you I'm terribly sorry.. I went off the program, and stupidly assumed that if I wasn't on program that I'd have nothing to say that people might want to hear.. Dumb eh?? What I've come to realize through all of this is that I've made some amazing friends, friends who are my friends whether I'm loosing weight or stuffing my face.. I'm sorry it took this to make me realize that, but I did and I'm glad that I did because I feel closer to these people now.. I hope with all my heart that it will do the same with those of you who haven't heard from me at all in the past month..

This is the story..

I posted on the board a few months ago about having really dry scalp and dandruff.. This is something I've thankfully never had to deal with before now, so I didn't handle it very well.. I was advised by people on the board and by my pharmasist to use special shampoos, which I didn't do.. I tried instead to take oil supplements and to up my water intake.. When I noticed a dry patch of skin I wouldn't leave it alone I'd try to scratch it all off.. lol!! I'm such a dumbass sometimes.. So of coarse it kept getting worse and worse, and more and more stressful.. Then one day I noticed that I'd actually lost a significant amount of hair on the front of the top of my head, enough that it made the icky white scalp beneath glaringly obvious.. Anyway, I kinda lost it at this point.. It was one thing when I had dandruff, but my hair falling out? Right before my 30th birthday?? Not cool.. People kept telling me that it was probably stress related since it happened after I started my job.. So I not only tried to remove ALL stress from my life, I just gave myself free reign to do whatever I wanted, and to eat whatever I wanted.. It was a really hard period for me, I was crying constantly.. I have a very public job and I felt like there was a flashing arrow above my head pointing it out..

I'm not making excuses for why I didn't let any of you know what was going on, I fully admit that I handled that badly and I'm truly sorry.. I just thought that you would all be disappointed in me, or try to convince me to stay on program while this was happening, and I just didn't want to hear it, I guess.. Mostly I was afraid you'd be disappointed..

So I'm back, and I'm sorry for being away.. I've learned that no matter what's going on in my life that my friends are my friends and that they're there whether I'm loosing weight or eating a tub of ice cream, and I won't ever disappear like that again.. For those of you who are just hearing this for the first time, I hope very much that you'll continue to visit my blog, and forgive me for being such a shit.. :-)