I'm Back..

For the life of me I couldn't think of a better title than that, but I guess "I'm Back" does sum it up.. For some of you this will be a repeat, and I'm sorry you have to hear it all again.. lol!! For those of you who haven't, this post is simply me apoligizing for being away for so long.. More importantly, for being away without taking the time to tell you what was going on.. If I worried any of you I'm terribly sorry.. I went off the program, and stupidly assumed that if I wasn't on program that I'd have nothing to say that people might want to hear.. Dumb eh?? What I've come to realize through all of this is that I've made some amazing friends, friends who are my friends whether I'm loosing weight or stuffing my face.. I'm sorry it took this to make me realize that, but I did and I'm glad that I did because I feel closer to these people now.. I hope with all my heart that it will do the same with those of you who haven't heard from me at all in the past month..

This is the story..

I posted on the board a few months ago about having really dry scalp and dandruff.. This is something I've thankfully never had to deal with before now, so I didn't handle it very well.. I was advised by people on the board and by my pharmasist to use special shampoos, which I didn't do.. I tried instead to take oil supplements and to up my water intake.. When I noticed a dry patch of skin I wouldn't leave it alone I'd try to scratch it all off.. lol!! I'm such a dumbass sometimes.. So of coarse it kept getting worse and worse, and more and more stressful.. Then one day I noticed that I'd actually lost a significant amount of hair on the front of the top of my head, enough that it made the icky white scalp beneath glaringly obvious.. Anyway, I kinda lost it at this point.. It was one thing when I had dandruff, but my hair falling out? Right before my 30th birthday?? Not cool.. People kept telling me that it was probably stress related since it happened after I started my job.. So I not only tried to remove ALL stress from my life, I just gave myself free reign to do whatever I wanted, and to eat whatever I wanted.. It was a really hard period for me, I was crying constantly.. I have a very public job and I felt like there was a flashing arrow above my head pointing it out..

I'm not making excuses for why I didn't let any of you know what was going on, I fully admit that I handled that badly and I'm truly sorry.. I just thought that you would all be disappointed in me, or try to convince me to stay on program while this was happening, and I just didn't want to hear it, I guess.. Mostly I was afraid you'd be disappointed..

So I'm back, and I'm sorry for being away.. I've learned that no matter what's going on in my life that my friends are my friends and that they're there whether I'm loosing weight or eating a tub of ice cream, and I won't ever disappear like that again.. For those of you who are just hearing this for the first time, I hope very much that you'll continue to visit my blog, and forgive me for being such a shit.. :-)