I'm not sick of blogging or talking with any of you, but I'm sick of being fat, or rather the mentality that comes with being fat.. Today at work I saw this girl that I used to go to school with.. Now, she and I were never friends, we have/had friends in common though and would say hello when we saw eachother.. I haven't seen this girl in a few years, but she hasn't changed at all, and I haven't really changed that much besides the fact that I'm bigger than I was.. I have NO idea if she saw me or not, but she didn't look over and say hello when she came into the store, even though she had to walk by Customer Service where I work.. What pisses me off isn't that she didn't say hello, cuz in reality I don't care about this girl beyond normal human compassion.. What bothered me is that I equated it to my weight, she didn't say hi because she was embarassed to say hello to a fat chick.. Why do I do that?? I don't always think that way, but then usually my confidence is relatively good.. I didn't feel like I was having a low self-esteem day until after that happened and I was trying to figure out my reaction.. Now, I joined facebook a few days ago and am reconnecting with a lot of high school friends, and while NONE have made me feel that way and all have been happy to add me or message me, I still have this old high school feeling about it all... Could it be that I've reverted into past ways of thinking?? Strange, isn't it??
Thanks for all your posts yesterday!! I am going to post some progress pics soon.. I'm thinking when I get home from Kingston that I'll have some good ones to share with you.. I still think that the changes other people are seeing are minimal, I have incredibly supportive people in my life and sometimes I think that they comment on 'little' things so that I feel postive, and I SOOO appreciate and love them for it, I'm just not sure there's much to take a picture of at the moment, if you know what I mean.. lol!
My WI was on Thursday, and I've decided to really pay attention to my point intake.. I think it really helps your weekly losses if you eat different amounts daily, kinda like Wendie.. So I had a normal day on Friday, two higher days Saturday and Sunday, and am trying to have a lower day today.. I don't actually follow Wendie, she's my big gun that I'm saving for when I need her, but I'm trying to incorporate the idea of Wendie into my daily eating.. I'm pretty sure that's why I had that really good loss the week before last (actually it was Sarah that pointed that out to me, THANK YOU!).. Tonight for dinner I'm making one of my usuals, whole wheat rotini pasta with primavera sauce and lotsa shrimp.. I stocked up on Smart Pop today so I'm all set!!! Okay, I'm off to check up on all of you!! Thanks for listening to my rant!! :-)
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7 comments:
Jen,
I know EXACTLY how you feel!! I always equate any slight with my weight, and that's not fair to me or to the others who I interact with...
I'm sorry you're feeling bummed but soon you're gonna be SOOOOOOO confident that EVERYONE'll say hi!!!
Good job with your planning and recognizing patterns: I think that's one of the most important things we can do on this journey!
Sarah
Here's what: I totally get what you're feeling. I also think that most people have that "old high school" pang when they see someone from high school and most of the time it's a feeling like you had. Most of the time it's a little awkward because you never know how the other person feels about you and for that matter, if they really remember you, so you don't want to be the one to step forward to extend the familiar "Hi." (Let's think for a minute whether or not you stepped forward to say Hi to her) It has nothing at all to do with your weight whatsoever, so don't worry about that, it's just social awkwardness that is associated when you see someone you know, but not well enough to get chatty with without a social cue from them first.
I just joined the facebook craze myself and am also connecting with tons of highschool people and it does bring back the old feelings of "inadequacy" that EVERYONE feels in highschool whether you were miss popularity or not. Everyone judges in highschool, so we assume that it still applies when we're all grown up.
You are a very, very pretty girl Jenn, before and now, and I can only imagine the hotness that is going to radiate from you at your goal! You are going to be able to post one mega-hot profile pic on facebook for sure and you'll have them all dropping their jaws!
Hey girl,
First off *big hug* because I know EXACTLY how you feel!!! I do that a lot (think x happened/didn't happen because of my weight) and I too am usually fairly confident...I think it's an "overweight" frame of mind and I think it is going to be the hardest thing to get rid of, you feel invisible but in the spotlight at the exact same time.
I just want to say that you are flipping beautiful!!!!! When I first "met" you I thought you had the most amazing personality and then when I saw a picture I thought, DAMN, she is the whole package!!!
Get high school out of your mind, I hated high school and would NEVER go back. Yes, I made some great friends, and I met a wonderful man (Danny) but I would never go back, it made me who I am today and I am grateful for that, but I'm GLAD it's over!!!
Good luck with your week, you seem to have it planned perfectly!!!
*big hug again* just cause I can!
i used to get that when i ran into people as i got bit bigger after high school and now people don't recognize me at all because they expect a bigger me.... so just you wait ;)
and remember, you're not doing this for anyone but yourself. forget how other people see you. see yourself. if you love who you are and what you're doing for yourself, that's all that matters.
Okay, you guys totally just made me cry!!!! You're the bestest girls EVER!!!!!!
Jen, you are seriously one of the sweetest girls I know!!! I wish you lived closer to me, cuz you're a friend and a half!! Thank you, you always have sweet words and you always make me feel better!!! *big ole hugs*
Angie, you too!! You're awesome! Thank you!!!
ITA with what Marie said...JUST YOU WAIT! Soon you will be struttin' your stuff and filling the room with your self confidence :O)
i know how you feel, i always think that too. when someone wouldn't want to talk to me it was because i was overweight. it's hard to not think that way. but like the other ladies said, just you wait! you are gorgeous now and it will knock their socks off when they all see you when you get to goal!!!! and you have got such an awesome personality so it's even better!!
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